Jaquat

life is so ironic.
the person who helped to cause the most psychological problems for me, is planning to become a psychologist.
another thing. i was a very good person the other day, i took amy to the vet to get vacc'd n chipped and the vet nurse forgot to charge me for the microchip, so i got to the car and examined the receipt then realised her mistake, and nice, honest me, went back to the vets and told her and forked out for the chip, with money i would REALLLLY have been much better off keeping as im so low on cash right now. then i got home and found out that this girl who is a total effing bitch, as in, shes not nice to ANYONE behind their back, won heaps of money in some really shallow competition. shes all set to buy herself a new car, or whatever the hell she wants. meanwhile meagre lil honest jackie is doubtfully gonna be able to afford to get her cat desexed.
normally id be beating myself up for being "jealous" or "coveting" or whatever u call it, but f that cos im so totally sick of seeing all these people who don't do ANYTHING nice... getting rewarded and going off n having fantastic lives.
i seriously try my best for other people. i try to be a nice person n to HELP people, and my main goal in life is to not make other peoples' lives less enjoyable.
mark has been given 4 weeks notice in his job just because the selfish company has decided to take on a uni student in his place, because they get paid to train him. mark has been working his guts out, doing so much for that stupid place - a lot of stuff he didnt even HAFTA do like sorting out all their files and making things easier to work with, and they're "firing" him, and he didnt even do anything wrong. WORSE, they're now employing a uni student who would have NO problems finding a job elsewhere, unlike mark who does not have a HSC, nor the income now to complete one. so for the next 4 weeks hes going to be worried and depressed as shit about not being able to get another job, while all the assholes of the world are enjoying the good lives they are far from deserving.
life really isnt fair.
k that was a huge bitch... but it needed to come out. better here than directed at my family.

I'm bored and having skating withdrawal symptoms. So randomly, here are some music titles which (I think) would be heaps good for a skating program, dance routine, whatever. :)
Forest Awakens - America, The last unicorn soundtrack
Unicorns in the sea - " " <--- me wants to do a program to this one.
Red Bull Attacks - " "
Doom Kumo no Wana - Porco Rosso soundtrack
Chocolat Main theme - Chocolat soundtrack
Concerning hobbits - LOTR 1 soundtrack

yes they're all from soundtracks. *likes soundtrack music*

Got home from WA, was pretty good, got to see all marks family etc etc. ANYWAY,
I have a new kitten! :D shes a brown tonkinese, ("seal mink" the colour is called) and she has green eyes with a hint of blue so they look sort of aqua coloured, shes very pretty and she has a gorgeous personality! she loves to be around ppl whenever they're doing something - i had to buy her a bell collar so i know where she is and dont step on her! :) shes a great lap cat, but also loves to play and go nuts :P (she has 2 "channels" ... play mode and sleep mode, thats it!) she is destined to be a much loved and spoiled cat! :D
yay for amy!

well I had my last exam on the 23rd of Nov which was.... 8 days ago? id just finished the exam, which i probably failed, then i went for lunch and went back to my room to eat, when i got a phone call from mum "hi jackie, have u finished ur exam? good, well... there's an emergency. me and emma (my sister) are in bathurst. wheres your room?"
about 10 seconds later mum n emma were in my room and mum told me the emergency was that Lucy (my cat) was sick and they wanted to take me home so i could see her before she died. so i grabbed my laptop mobile phone and wallet and we went home. on the way in the car mum told me Lucy had lost weight so they took her to the vet and he discovered she had liver cancer and he wanted to put her down then and there (she was lethargic and not eating properly) but mum n dad said no way cos she was their daughters cat, so they took her home and had been force feeding her water through a syringe to keep her alive. the vet said that later in her illness she'd start fitting violently, so that was kinda scary cos none of us wanted to see her have a fit. anyway, theyd kept her alive for 6 days when mum n emma came to pick me up. i was supposed to come home from uni the next day (friday) and sign out and pack up all my stuff etc etc. but anyway, i got home n saw lucy.. it was a real shock to see her so different from the cat i said goodbye to 8 weeks ago when i left for uni. she was so skinny and her eyes were sunken in, and her pupils were huge, and she didnt move her ears around to listen around her like she normally did. she was really out of it. i think she knew it was me when i came home though, because i moved around in front of her so she could see me, and she actually sat up and meowed (in a happy way), which is the most i actually saw her do the whole time. anyway, i petted her and she purred and seemed happy apart from being near death, and i said goodbye. then the next day i went back to uni with mark to pack up all my stuff and sign out. on the way home in the car mum rang to say that lucy died at 3:30 in the afternoon (this was at about 5 or so). Emma was with her when she died, so at least she wasnt alone. as harsh as it sounds i was happy that she had died and didnt have any fits.. so she died while she was still herself to at least a certain extent. she was my best, best friend for 14 years. home will be a much lonelier place without her stalking around. RIP my beautiful.
a few days ago i went ice skating for the first time in about 7-8 months. it was so weird, ice is so slippery... :P my spins are heaps better now, they're still not perfectly centred but the patterns in the ice are swirls instead of "3"s now so thats a start :) OH and i did a sit spin!! wasnt very good but i actually got quite a few rotations out of it which i was pretty happy about. havent been to the roller skating place yet cos i figured ice skating at L*** is actually cheaper cos im a member thingy. i felt so crappy skating around other skaters doing doubles and layback spins and awesomely flexible biellman spirals etc etc :(
hmm. i cant really think of what else to say so i'll leave it there. how strange.

im bored. and slightly depressed. i wanna go hoooome.

Nightmare I had while sleeping yesterday, and I've had it a few times before in the past.

Suspended within icy darkness
while water closes in around my breath.
Too far below to call for help
and as I peer into the depths,
no horizons do I see

only shadows.

Shadows swimming towards me,
stalkers of a deathly calm.
Guillotine jaws biding their time;
waiting for the moment they can
clench me in their vice-like hold.

Suspended, drowning in the blue
while my awkward limbs are weighted
and restrained by liquid chains.
I do not have the speed to flee,
and even if I did where could I go?

My heart rate rises - can they sense my fear?
The thought only alarms me more,
my insides scream for distance from the creatures
and panicking, I glance behind -
only to meet death from the front

in gouging teeth.

ok so its 5:57am and im staying up all night. I HAVE CRAMPS. owww. ok well the dude keeps saying ive got the job but he wont email me cos he never gets online!!! so yeah im gonna call him and find out when i hafta go back in today. and i might also, if i have moolah, go into town n get a haircut cos i need one. haha i got offered a hair modeling job too for this hair place... but i said no cos im a retard :P nah im not really interested anyway. hmm i think i need sleep, but not.. kinda thing. oh well. skating today! if im not too tired which is doubtful. i'll probably go tomorrow instead.ummm what else... well im getting new carpet in my room at home, ofc, i dont know anything about it cos i havent BEEN home, but im coming home for holidays after exams yay. oh and i found out my exams are all right at the END of exam period which sucks cos it means i hafta stay here all the way through exam periods instead of being able to get em all over n done with :( *sigh* but yeah i guess i get a lot of time to bludge I MEAN, study. yay for me. i miss marky. :( i miss my cat :( I WANNA FINISH UNI ALREADDDYYY. ow i have cramps. did i mention i have cramps? IM IN PAIN. :'(
*end complaining*
i think im gonna get a fringe again. but a nicer one this time. OH YEAH and i have 2 pairs of ice skates to sell, lucky me. :)
k im gonna go now before i make more of a fool out of myself

Interview went good yesterday. They loved me :) so I've prolly got the job. Haven't found out yet though. The person who won the bidding on my leotards on ebay hasnt paid yet >:( I said they have 24 hours as of yesterday which means they'd better have contacted me by tonight or I'm giving it to the next highest bidder. I wanna go skating today but I'm feeling tired and blah, like I wanna sleep... so I think I'll give it a miss and go tomorrow. My room is messy again :P but it's cleanable which is good. I have an overdue assignment, again, which I'm too tired to do so will struggle to start tonight.
I passed my assessments on slings and log rolls (basic first aid stuff revisited) today :D on Thursday I'm gonna try to get marked off on the stretcher and splints, and then on Friday we have our big "zapping ppl" assessments so that should be interesting, I hope I pass ... I should, but I'm worried I'll forget something due to nervousness :( My lecturer dude said I have a very good head tilt jaw thrust :) I'm so proud cos that's uber important. He also really liked my collarbone sling ;) which I'd done the wrong way around but was still really effective and he was like "thats really good!" so I'm proud. I miss Mark :(
OHHH I dunno if I mentioned in previous entry, but I found a roller skating place where they do artistic inline skating, near where I live :D like 10 mins drive away, so I'm gonna get some coaching there on my pic skates (its cheaper than ice skating coaching and ur learning the same stuff! :)) during the holidays. Yay! :D
Mmmm.. that's about all cos I need a nap :P
zzzzzzzzzz

OMG OMG OMG!!! I got an email today from the boss scientist dude at a hospital in Bathurst (I sent my resume to him ages ago applying for a vampire[blood collector] job and he said he'd get back to me when something came up - i didn't believe it at the time, but there ya go!), and he said "are u still interested in picking up some work? if so call me" !!!! unfortunately i have no credit on my phone atm :P so i emailed him back saying "yep still interested! run out of credit, will call you tomorrow ASAP" that would be so cool if i got a specimen collector job in bathurst! id have some moolah to fund my used skates business on ebay!!! and just for general stuff u use money for :P annnd im hoping it'll cheer me up a bit and get me away from uni. ANNNND, this is both good and bad, but it will mean that mumsy will probably buy me a car to make it easier to get to work. (good because i get a car, bad cos i'll feel guilty about mumsy spending so much money on me, so i'll probably insist on paying her back for it or something).
The only thing im worried about, is that he's gonna want me to work over the holidays which i can't do cos im going home to sydney, AND marks taking me to WA over xmas. the way he said it in the email sounds as if it's not gonna be a permanent thing, but hopefully im wrong!!!
Anyway i guess all will be revealed tomorrow... dun dun dunnnnnn
*fingers crossed*

wyell i have landed my flipz0r. yay for me :)
*ahem*
anyway in other news, it's 4:45am and i've been up all night cutting and editing music cos im a weirdo. so i now have 2 pieces of music i shall make skating programs to later if i can be bothered, and an 11minute long lotr music thingy which is for putting me to schleep ;)
its gonna be so cool on the plane to WA cos i have a laptop :D yay!
i just discovered anne has a livejournal ;) hopefully she wasnt trying to avoid me... cos i added her to friendz0rs :P *is a stalker* i miss ppl. :( i hope chizzy will take me out to that supanova thingy. (if it is what i think it is) cos that would be le awesomeness.
I WANT MY ICE SKATES TO ARRIVE!!! and marks ice skates so we can go together. marks should arrive this week but i have a horrible feeling they wont :( damn australia post!!!!
i had another one of my jackie theories today, which i actually have quite regularly but the difference this time is i was actually able to put it into words and explain it to mark :P it was lots of fun, mark was in awe of my crazybrainedness. :)
paramedics. yay!
psychologyyyyyyyy semi yay except im lazy.
sleep? sounds good i think im gonna go :P
haha i need it.